Just Five More Minutes....

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I'm well known for being late. Not necessarily something I'm proud of, or something I haven't tried to adjust, but plain and simply my truth. I have a pretty wack sense of timing and urgency. I'm one for immediate gratification. If I want to listen to a song before I walk out the door, I'll search it out and play it. If I feel like I'm missing the "right" accessory, I'll search it out before I leave. I'm just no good at prioritizing when it comes to matters of punctuality. Most of the time, I'm totally oblivious to how late I'm really running. Other times, I'm fully aware that I'm buggin, yet still haven't even decided what I'm wearing out the door.

I live my life in a rush. My biggest reason for being late -- the snooze button. I hit snooze at LEAST, I mean a bare minimum, of three times every morning. I purposefully set my clock thirty minutes before I absolutely need to be awake, to even have a glimmer of a chance at getting out the door with a reasonable amount of time to get where I'm going. Read that run on sentence again..... I took the time to express it that way so that hopefully, you'd get it.

I don't know why I do it to myself. I know I need at least an hour and a half to get ready without any pressure. However, I continue to hit that snooze button until I barely have time to do what I need to do. I just will NOT get up when that alarm first goes off. When I first wake up, I'm awake. I just don't ever want to get out of my bed. That, in turn makes me lay around longer, and I get sleepy all over again. If I would just hop up and go, things would probably run smoother.... but that's not how I operate.

I find that I tend to hit the snooze button in other areas of my life as well. Follow me here.... the snooze button basically postpones the inevitable. Eventually I have to drag my tail out the bed and go to work. But I find that even when I'm wide awake and have someplace to be in the evening, I still tend to "hit snooze". Let's say I have to be somewhere at say 8pm after work. I have plenty of time to come home shower, change and be on my way. Dana? Me? Might don't make it. I'll find a number of tasks to do (that can be done at a later, more convenient time), and do them right then and there. For some reason, that task will all of a sudden take priority in my life. Do the dishes really need to be washed right now? Did I really need to sort my laundry now?? I'm not even doing laundry tonight!! Essentially I'm still hitting the snooze button. I'm avoiding the fact that I need to get myself ready to get out the door, and, GET OUT THE DOOR!

I don't know why I do it to myself, nor why I do it to the people waiting for me. It's not that I don't respect people's time, but rather, I think, that I value my own. Check it. Patience has always been a touch and go quality of mine. I worked with children for a long time, and I was patient with them. I mean they're kids. Cutting up is what they do. I can deal. But adults. Child bye. I just can't. Not in my life outside of work. On the job, I'm paid to be patient. But please believe on the other side of the phone I've broken a few pencils and slammed quite the number of receivers. I'm paid to keep my composure, and I likes my monies. But in life I want what I want, when I want it. The logic that I've worked out over time for my tardiness in most situations (generally that of the social kind) is that I don't want to wait for any one. If I'm late, I don't have to wait for someone else to show up. I'm the last one there. It's really that simple. I'm really also just a slow person. I take long to complete essential life tasks. I eat slow, I bathe slow and I get dressed slow (as an odd side note though, I talk fast lol).

Any whoseamerfitz, this snooze button effect has also reared its ugly head in other areas of my life. Most depressingly at this stage in my life; my professional endeavors. This, I know is at no one’s doing but my own (that makes it even more depressing. Simply knowing that I'm doing it to myself). I graduated from a four year university with my bachelors of arts and science in communications (with a quite useless (IMO) concentration in media studies). Don't get me wrong, I loved what I was doing in school. It made me happy. But now, on the other side, in real life, it's ALMOST proven useless to me. Now, too, let's not get carried away. A degree is a great accomplishment, and I am indeed proud of such. It also got me the job I'm at now. However, unlike graduating as a nurse or even graduating as a finance or accounting major, my communications background is SO vague. When you graduate with a degree in something as "focused" and "geared towards something specific" as nursing or finance, you know where you're going once you graduate (for the most part. Not to say that said graduates are all guaranteed jobs or that their search is any easier, but at least you know in what general direction to look and where you will comfortably fit). I don't know where to go with myself.

I want to get my masters, but in what? Communications clearly isn't proving to be what's hot in these here streets. Maybe I'm wrong. Lord knows I'd love to be. If you have some suggested fields that I as a communications major should look into for employment, do tell. But for the most part, I feel like I need to find some type of professional direction, BEFORE I commit to the time, money and effort involved in getting my masters. Part of me wants to pick some arbitrary field of business, perhaps business management, and just get the degree already. Another part of me wants to study and learn about something that I already love and enjoy. However, obtaining a graduate degree isn't an easy and straight forward task. There are pre requisites and qualifications required; you can't just jump into it. As much as I would love a degree in something fashion related, going for a second undergraduate degree at this point in time isn't the best move. *sigh*

I'm comfortable at my current job. Not my dream job, but it pays the bills. Ideally, I want something where I am challenged on a more frequent basis and I have the opportunity to be creative. Not getting that here at all. I feel like my growth as well has been stunted here. I'm no longer seeing the potential to grow in the company. Sadly, I feel like I'm less intelligent now, than I was when I started here. *whoa* I may have learned some life skills, but in a nutshell, I just don't feel as "smart" as I did when I started here. I've been sold the dream, and it kept me dedicated for some time, but I'm running out of fizzle. The dreamer in me wants to pick up and run away. Start somewhere new, and grow. The only real issue I see with that is the job I'd get "somewhere new." I don't want to fall into the same trap - get comfortable with the money, and not be happy with the work being done. I'd love the new surroundings, but who knows about the work. -- Press Snooze -- With these concerns, I just stay where I am, hoping that the answers will magically come to me. I'm a believer of "everything happens for a reason" and "in God's time", but I definitely don't believe that I'm supposed to sit dormant and wait for it to just happen on its own. I have to work for what I want. But when you're unsure of what you really want, how do you decipher the work needed to be done?? At this point in my life, I feel like I'm awake, but laying in the bed waiting for the alarm to go off again. I know I need to get up, but I just can't bring myself to making that first move. I'm not late yet, there's time to get started and do it without rushing or fear of being late. However, since I know I'm not plum out of time, I lay dormant, waiting for it to "feel" like the right time to move. See, I bet a few of you didn't really see where I was going with this "snooze effect" lol. Well pow. This is my truth. This is my struggle.

The "me" I know is an indecisive worrier. Bad combo. I constantly worry about the decisions I make, and also those that I do not make. And right in the middle is my difficulty with making decisions at all. I've prayed on it, and I know I can probably pray even more on it, but like I mentioned before, in my world, I don't believe He wants me to sit on my tookus waiting on Him to do it all for me. He helps those that help themselves.... couldn't tell you if that's actually in the bible or not, but I feel like something in there can be interpreted to mean that. I mean you can pretty much find anything in the bible if you "look" for it. But clearly, I digress.

Considering the "snooze button" life I live, this post has spanned three days. Currently, it's Thursday. I actually did get up and out the bed when the alarm went off. I decided to mop the floor. Yeah. I do these things. Was late to work, but only by 4 minutes. A VAST improvement from the (mumbles inaudible number) days before. Ya'll should know bout me and my baby steps by now....

Thursday, day three of this post as it may be, I'm still undecided about so many things in my life. I'll leave the broader questions of what life is about as a whole to you philosophers out there.... I'm just worried about what MY life is doing, and those directly involved in my life. Many of you will say I'm still young and have time. I get it. But in my head that's an excuse. It's like allowing a 4 year old to not use "please" and "thank you". We get that they're young and still getting the grasp of being polite, but let's be real. They need to start developing the habit. 'Cause pretty soon, and a lot sooner than you think, not having and using that skill is just tacky. That's the way I feel about having my life plan together. In the broader scheme of life, I'm still young and there's time to figure it all out. But that's not an excuse to sit and do nothing!! I'll be 30 before I know it. Then I'll be 35. Then enter mid-40s, 50. Time isn't waiting for me to get my act together, then let me age. Just doesn't work that way. At some time in live you're expected to just have your ish together. That age may be different for many people. But I tell you one thing, I ain't tryna be that damn near 40 year old still trying to "find" themself. I think your 20s are for the search, your 30s for the working out your findings and your 40s for putting it all together and doin the damn thing so you can just be unapologetically you. But what do I know. I'm only 25. It's now Friday, and it wouldn't be unlike me to change my mind about how I view life at some point. Who knows what I'll think come 26.

This adult thing is pretty damn hard. Hopefully I can just learn to wake up when the alarm goes off. I'll worry about the rest when I get out the bed.

Since I Know You've Missed Me.....

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So I've been on hiatus. Sue me. But, I'm back, with new post ideas, and PLENTY of new experiences to share. I'm not one who feels the need to explain myself and/or my actions (or, lack there of) to the general public, but because I care about you guys, and you entertain my foolishness, in a nutshell, here's why I was M.I.A.

I had two main reasons.... 1) I wasn't compelled to write. When there doesn't seem to be anyone reading, what's the point in writing? It's like talking to yourself.... why say it "out loud" when you can already hear it in your head (for us sane people, that is.... lol)? I wasn't in a rush to get my thoughts out and available for anyone to see, because I don't think anyone is really all that interested (*clears throat* this is where you all rush to reassure me that I am wrong, and that you do indeed care. go ahead. I'll wait.....) 2) I felt like I was running out of things to say (sidenote: what I REALLY mean here, is "things that I want to share, that aren't completely inappropriate to let the world know about lol). So, I took up a lot of note writing. If something came to mind, I wrote it down. If I liked something, I wrote it down. If I felt something, I wrote it down. So, it's safe to say I'll have plenty to blog about for a while.

So there you have it. Now, I'm just going to jump right ahead into it. Next blog, on it's way. I'm back. :)

National Library Lovers Month ???!!

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A few weeks ago, I go into the break room at my job to see this foolishness.

National Library Lovers Month????!!! REALLY??!?!?!

This is the second year in a row, that I've seen a calander that recognized February as something other than Black History Month. No mention of it at all. At. All. Of course, I was offended. Highly offended at that. But, I took a minute and thought about it. Why was I upset? Was I doing so much for Black History Month that I had a right to be upset that it was being ignored by someone else? I mean, the last time I remember doing anything to "celebrate" it was in elementary school. In my adult life, all I can remember doing to acknowledge the month is wearing black pride tee's to work. That'll show em. *blink*

So last night, I decided what I WOULD do for Black History Month. I took the four steps from my bedroom door to my book shelf, and took down this book I've had for years.

I found it at RVO a while back (my Rochdale heads know about there lol), but never really got into it. No reason in particular, I was probablly just distracted by something else. Ultimately, I decided I would observe Black History Month by educating myself. I'm going to venture to say every African American of a certain age (at least over 18), raised by even semi aware parents, has a basic understanding (i.e. has at least heard of) of the black experience in the United States.

From slavery, the great migration, Jim Crow and segregation, the Civil Rights era, the Black Power era, crack in the 80s and early 90s, manditory minimum sentencing, etc., etc., the black history of this country is a colorful, complicated, and diverse one. I can't imagine anyone, especially a non historian or non history aficionado, knowing all of any culture's history, let alone one as vast as that of the African American people. I can say, however, that I have been fortunate enough to have been educated in an amazingly beautiful elementary school, where my teachers cared and loved us enough to educate us not only as students, but as human beings. We all knew that no matter how many times we got screamed on, or flicked on the ear, that that teacher did it because she loved us. We knew that the reading assisgnments were given to us because that book had something that we needed to know. Many of these same wonderful educators made it her business to make sure we knew about our black history. I also come from a family that is very aware of its history, and believes in passing its story down. But I digress..... a little. Eh, what's new?

So. I decided to educate myself. I realized I had no right to be upset at someone else disregarding Black History Month, when in effect, I was doing the exact same thing. There is no reason for me to walk around demanding that everyone wish every passing black person a happy Black History Month and resolve to keep the hope alive. The whole point of Black Hisotry Month is to make sure that the hard work, accomplishments, and sacrifices of our ancestors is not forgotten and lost. I could think of no better way to observe Black History Month than to make sure they weren't. I always liked history. Just because I've graduated, doesn't mean I have to stop learning. At this point, I can create my own curriculum, if you will. I can delve into the area's that interest and concern me, focus in on what I don't understand, and find entirely new pieces of information to feed my mind. The internet is an amazing tool, but there's nothing like a good book. So far, I'm loving the narratives in When I Was A Slave. It's been too long since I've picked up a new book, and I can't think of a better reason or time than now.

What's your "favorite" era of black history? What are YOU doing to observe Black History Month?

Love In These Here Streets.....

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Yup. Valentine's Day was two days ago. I enjoyed mine, thanks for asking. Wait,what? You're telling me about yours? No, I didn't ask. Please, stop explaining. lol I jest. I do hope everyone had a nice day as well. Amidst all the cynicism and negativity about a day centered on love, someones "love" tweets sparked quite the thought process for me. This person, in general, is a positive person, I believe. They post a lot of really great tweets about how beautiful black women are, and all that jazz. Nice right? Yeah..... until it gets a bit self righteous and ethnocentric. I'm all for black love, self love, and bettering "the race". But, NOT at the detriment of any other. The tweet that started it all was "black men and black women NEED each other... to be whole." I respectfully disagreed. I replied that I was a whole person, on my own, regardless of whom I chose to be with. I feel that if I'm single, in a relationship, dating or any other possible option, I am still unequivocally me. I'm still in the process of learning who "me" is, but regardless of my total understanding of such, it stands the same, that I enter every situation as such.

I feel that every person should enter a union as a whole person. I know I don't want "half a man" to try to come into my life, expecting me to "complete" them, the same way no one wants a sloppy me. I'm not expecting everyone to have everthing in their life carefully mapped and/or planned out. I'm just not wanting to hold any adults hand. I'm all for helping, but not for living anyone else's life FOR them. I'd love for someone to sweep me off my feet, indulge on lavish spending sprees for me, eat at the best restaurants, you know, the Pretty Woman story line (minus the being a prostitute part. TOTALLY minus that part). HOWEVER, I don't EXPECT someone to do that for me. Would I welcome it if it were offered? Hell yes. But I'm fully capable of surviving if it doesn't happen. I actually don't expect it to. And I'm ok with that.

The tweet began a mini debate. It went into interracial dating, and whether or not a black man or woman could exist without the other. I'm all for interracial dating, so it follows I believe I won't drop off the face of the planet if I don't marry a black man and procreate "black" babies. I get that to continue the black "race" black men and women need to procreate, the same way Hispanic or Asian couples need to procreate to continue their race. I don't think there are any extention concerns at this point, so I'll work on finding love regardless of the color he happens to be. Besides, do we really need to get into the lack of the credibility of "race" in itself? Didn't think so. Trust we won't be opening that can in this post.

This whole being single time of my life is suposed to be about me getting to know me. It's about me living my life and growing into the person that I ultimatly hope to share with my future husband and children. Isn't the point in being single to be the love you're looking to attract? Through the little blessing that surprisingly enough is Twitter, I stumbled upon @MastinKipp and The Daily Love . If you don't receive his emails everyday, or at least get his tweets, you're missing out. This young man is remarkably inspiring and his daily inspirational emails have spoken to me on numerous occasions. Between Mastin, The Daily Love, and simply growing up and listening to my inner voice, I've accepted that there's nothing wrong with being single. Instead, I've started to make sure I make good use of it.
This is the time I'm suposed to use to get my act together. I believe, God hasn't sent me "Mr. Right" because I'm not ready for him yet. His blessings come in His time. When I'm at the right point in my life, he'll come. And not before then. Instead of trying to rush the blessing, my time is much better spent preparing for it.

Besides the whole disagreement on who needs whom, the issue of "not understanding someone so thinking they're wrong" came up. If you're lucky enough to have had the privilage, you know that I HATE when someone makes assumptions about me and how I feel. For example. Never assume, then tell me, I have an attitude. ESPECIALLY when you don't even have a tone of voice with which to infer such. THAT will ultimately result in me catching an attitude. Works everytime. I pride myself on being openminded. I'd say I make an effort to listen, then talk um.... try and be understanding of all situations. Just because I don't agree with something, doesn't mean I don't understand. Just because I understand, doesn't mean I agree. I'm a fan of being unappolagetically me. I am who I am. I may not share all of who I am with you, not necessarily becaue I am ashamed of something, or because I don't accept something, but more because it's none of your business or because I don't feel the level of our relationship requires full disclosure of my every human truth. With that said, I'm a proud member of team #LetsAgreeToDisagree There is no need for anyone to alter their beliefs to make someone else happy. Neither one of us will implode because we don't see eye to eye on a matter! It's the nature of life. Not every shape fits in every hole. That doesn't change the shape of the shape. Not on any day of the week.

Small Wins.

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I've been in quite the funk all day. No reason in particular, just not feeling it today. I called my dad this morning, and as he usually does, he brightened my day. So, a special shout out to Senor Padre (that's honestly how I refer to my dad lol). That good mood didn't last too long though lol.

The gym wiped me out last night. The whole ride home, all I could think of were a beef patty with cheese and peperoni and a shower. Needless to say, I opted for the food first (as I generally do in life lol) and can't remember much else after I finished the patty and decided to take a quick "nap" before my shower. One point for exhaustion, zero Dana. Oddly enough, that insane "I can't think anymore, I'm so tired" feeling felt GREAT. It meant I had accomplished one of my short term goals. This one goal, as it sometimes happens, was comprised of other small goals. Let me break it down......

I joined the gym a few months back, I think around September or so. I joined because I had just recently turned 25, and that came with quite the list of new worries and concerns. I've always been fit; I always had a high metabolism. I could eat whatever I wanted, in whatever quantities and have no weight concerns. From what I was hearing, that doesn't last long past late twenties. I noticed that I was getting out of breath easily and was always tired. The way I saw it, nothing on that list was reason for serious concern at the time, but would only get worse with time. Why not nip it in the bud? An ounce of prevention right?
Ok, so I joined a gym that had yoga class in particular during times that were convenient to me and was midway between my home and work. I bought a bunch of work out outfits and went to the gym maybe ten times before I went on hiatus lol. So fast forward five or six months and here we are (see my previous post The Story Of The Old Man Who Out Pilated Me). I decided. Mentally, put my foot down. I was going to start a regimine, and stick to it. I decided on 30 mins on the elliptical (the treadmill hurts my knees. Never had the best knees), about 20 minuets or so of stretching and then my class (pilates Monday and Wednesday, and yoga Tuesday and Thursday). Well, I'm happy to say I did it. I flippin did it! Funky mood aside, it feels SO good to have reached my goal. I'm proud of me. Nobody being proud of me feels better than ME being proud of ME. I motivated myself everyday (Monday through Thursday) to take my tail to the gym, whether I wanted to or not, regardless of the weather or how I was feeling at the time. I worked through my sore muscles and got done what I needed to get done. SUCCESS. Not only did I go to the gym every day I intended to, I stuck to the plan. I did my class everyday AND my thirty minuets of machine and stretches. Yay, me. I guess the next step should be eating healthier. I'm pretty sure that beef patty with cheese and peperoni at 9:30pm wasn't the best for me (it was AMAZING though), but it was quick and did the job. There should really be healthy fast food options available late at night (besides a day old salad from Wendy's or McDonald's)......

For me, accomplishing that small goal, is somewhat of a spring board. I managed to conquer that, so now, let's try something else. Of course, the next challange is how long I can keep this up. I did it for one week. Can I do it the whole month? Should I set certain guidelines for acceptable reasons NOT to go? lol I'll take baby steps for now. I'll work on just sticking to my current plan, and see what happens. What should I try next? Thinking of a new goal is going to be interesting. But for now, I'll bask in the rays of my small win.

Link Love

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I love twitter. I've met a lot of great people, and picked up a LOT of amazing, and positive inspiration. I'm going to make this a recurring post topic, where I share some great links and introduce you to people I can't get enough of (via twitter. Real life, yo no se). Obviously, this is new here. I'm really excited about it, because I feel like this adds a really nice element to my blog(affectionately known as "My eWorld"). I'm not 100% sure how I'm going to do this, how many people/sites to feature at a time, or how frequently I will do it, but roll with me as I share with you my first healthy doseage of Link Love.

This morning, Terrance J (106 & Park, now also of The Game) dropped some gems. I'm not a 106 fan anymore (aged out of the "I give a damn" crew on this one), so I didn't see him as relavent..... until I saw him on The Game. He surprised me with a great performance, so I started to follow him on twitter @TerrenceJ106 . I'm now glad I did. Thanks to @Necolebitchie of Necole Bitchie, here's the link to his inspirational tweets A Message From Terrence J.
*side note* I also love the Necole Bitchie site. Check her out. It's mostly about black hollywood, but I've yet to come across anything sleezy and trashy. THAT'S why I keep coming back. Great set up, great articles, it's a #win in my book. Another similar site that I love to check out is The Jasmine Brand. You can follow her on twitter as well @thejasminebrand. I love her site because it's tasteful and informative. Unlike MTO (whom I WON'T link) these two ladies manage to maintain sites mostly centralized on black celebrities sans the rude and disrespectful slander. Just get to the point and tell me what's new in pop culture. Job well done ladies.

Can't say I remember when I started to follow @shaydechelle, but I'm glad I did. She's freaking hilarious; the intelligent and witty kind of funny. Today, she posted a link to a Front-Free article. Just in time for black history month at that,lol. Utter, insane, comedy. I had to hold the tears back at my desk. You can follow her on twitter or check her out on her blog Miss Dechelle.

Whenever I have a makeup question, I check out this lovely young lady (and currenlty, a lovely young mom to be! congrats!!) @makeupkimporter. She has been maintaining an awesome makeup blog Makeup By Kim Porter, and is a makeup artist available for hire in NYC. I actually know her in real life, and she's the sweetest. Amazingly (I don't know how she does it), she also maintains an abso fab pregnancy blog Beauty and the Bump that I can't get enough of.

I stumbled upon @msgoldiloks through another one of my twitter friends @yoliethejew ('cause I know she'd be mad if I didn't site her lol). Golidloks is an INSANELY talented new mom (I don't know how she finds time for it all). I love not only the lay out and general appearance of her blog (which she designed herself *e-high five on that one boo, lol), but she has incredible content as well. One day, I'll venture to try one of her recipes. I love her posts on fashion, her beautiful daughter, the abso gorge photo quality on the site, and her awesomly creative arts and crafts. I can't wait to order one of her Junkyard Windows. They are beautiful. Check out her blog at goldiloks, and don't forget to stop into her Etsy store. She has amazing work.

Another person of interest I'd be amiss if I didn't mention is @MarvilleAtMe. His tweets are so insanely random. He's the most sarcastic, funniest, mean, nice guy I think I follow, and I e-adore him (i.e. I love his twitter personality. Don't know him from a hole in the wall in real life, but on twitter, he's good people). My timeline would be wackjuice.com without him lol


#ThankMeLater

The Story of the Old Man Who Out Pilate'd Me

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Ok. To begin, I had an AWESOME day at the gym last night! All day I had psyched myself out about going to this yoga class at 6:30pm. I purchased my lil yoga mat last week, and told myself it'd be the start of something new. Yesterday seemed to FLY by, and 6:30pm was quickly approaching. The closer the end of my work day came, the greater my impending fear of this class grew! Go figure! I was so nervous!! What was I so afraid of? I've taken plenty of dance classes, been the new girl in the dance school a few times before, and was fine. What was the big deal with a yoga class at the gym?? As I began to question why in the world I would be afraid of this class it hit me. I was stepping out of my comfort zone. When I was taking these classes, and starting at new schools, I was in my best shape, like, ever, and dancing regularly. All I had to do show up and execute. Now, being that I haven't actually taken a class in QUITE some time, I knew I wasn't "in shape." Ok, I LOOK in shape, but for those of you who actually ARE in shape, you know that looking it and actually being it are two totally different things. So by 5:55pm, I was at my limit. I think I subconsciously found extra things to do at work, just so I wouldn't leave in time to make the class on time lol. I sabotaged myself!! Within those last two hours of my work day, I learned two lessons.

1) My fear of yoga class was not so much about the yoga (I've sat through a few meditations at home with a dvd I'd purchased before), but about not being good at it. If you don't know me personally, you don't know that I'm a brat. I HATE not getting my way. ABHORE it. As I've gotten older, I've of course learned to mask it when necessary. TRUST I know how to act. But, when I'm with friends and loved ones, you'll know when I'm not happy lol. I filter myself when I'm on the clock, but in "real life" I know how to "tell em why you mad D!" I was afraid that I would fail. That happens to be one of my biggest fears (and also, I've found, one of my biggest barries to success) in life. I just don't like getting it wrong. For the most part, if I feel like I will mess up, or something won't work out, I a.) don't bother doing it, b.) I'll put less effort into doing it, or c.) begin doing it and not finish. I've got to get over this if I'm going to become what I'm supposed to become in life. Whatever that is.

2) Stepping out of my comfort zone is a catalyst for growth. Now, I've known this for a while, but I had one of those "Ah haaa!!" moments. It really did hit me. I was sitting at my desk at work, and it was as if a little fairy sat on my shoulder and said, " You're never going to grow if you don't step outside of your comfort zone. Just try it! You'll be fine." Well, i heard what she said, let it sink in, and kinda disregarded it lol. I know! I know! But don't judge me!! Baby steps.....

It turns out, the yoga class had been cancelled. I guess the instructor didn't show. So, I went through with my normal work out (thirty minuets on what I'm pretty sure is an eliptical, then crunches and stretches). Between the machine and the stretches, I went back to the locker room and ran into someone I know. Now, I have someone to workout with some days. #win. When I got up to the room I use for stretching and such, I realized that a class would be starting in about twenty minuets. Courtesy of my sometimes awesome iPhone, I figured out it was a mat pilates class. I decided I'd redeem myself from the yoga debacle by staying for the class. That was a great idea. I loved the class! I will definitely be there on Wednesday for the next one. Excitement aside, and on to the reason why this post is titled as it is. An older man, who I'd venture to say was easily in in late fifties, early sixties used the mat next to me. I knew he was in shape as soon as he started to stretch out for the class. I figured he'd done a few classes when he asked about who was teaching this class, but kinda disregarded him. Well honey, he showed me. When I was struggling and "resting" he was going on with ease. I think I did fine with the class, considering I've never done it before, and it was the first class in anything I'd taken in years. But. Homie is now the competition. There's no way I'm going to let this guy out pilate me for much longer. I'm making a vow to myself, sans snow days from work, I will be at that blasted gym. I will be able to do ALL the exercises in the class by the end of the month. Also, I will try to stop being my own worst enemy. I don't have to be afraid of every new idea I come up with. There's no need for me to continually doubt myslef; that should be someone else's job. With these new efforts, I will start what I finish (within reason, let's be real). I know I'm destined for greatness, I just need to get the ball rolling. Game. On.

adding to the list of new things....

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hey hey.

so, i can't really call either of these two things "new" but i haven't done either of them in quite some time. i started going back to the gym tuesday, and am working on doing my own hair. yeah, no biggie to either right? lol wrong. i can be soooo lazy. im not one for motivating to do things, but once i get going, im pretty much a force.

after i got out of work on tuesday, i took my tail back to the gym. it felt GREAT!! i don't know what i was thinking, by stopping. im wasting my money by not showing up, and wasting money isn't something im fond of. im not sure how to use the machines, so i pretty much stick to the eliptical, and then do a lot of stretching. yesterday, i forgot my hair tie in the car and was NOT walking all the way back to get it. of course, no love from the black girl behind the counter in finding me a rubberband *unappologetic blank stare*, so i let in hang. by the time i got home, my hair was crimpled and poking in all the wrong directions. i sat down on the floor in front of the mirror and flat ironed my dry hair section by section. woke up the next am, looked as if i hadn't hit the gym at all. YAY. ME. =)

my next new little project is going to be researching hair care. i need to find out the best way for me to take care of my hair, on my own. the girl that does my hair is great, but if i can do it myself, why the heck not??!! the main reason behind me doing my own hair is simple. no one will take care of me the way i can (a personal life mantra of mine). in the interest of time, my stylist has used odee amounts of heat, and skimpped on time under the dryer with conditioner on. if i can get my act together, and learn to get my hair healthy again, on my own, ill be a happy lil camper. i've been relaxing my hair since i was in the 7th grade. i still remember going to get my hair done that day at the mall. i thought i was too cute lol. anywho, i've considered going natural a few times, but, i think i'll try to revive what i've got going first. currently, i have relaxed hair, with blonde highlighs. im a fan of health over length. i've been contemplating a cute short cut like this

im thinking ill start with something like this, then move to the short halle cut..... idk. im VERY indecisive. but, im thinkin, baby steps. if i do the megan good one below, theres room to move. but if i take the halle jump, im stuck, like it or not. here's the megan cut im contemplating

idk guys. what are your thoughts??

any hair blogs in mind? any suggestions? advice? talk to me boos!

did you hear bout Dana? i heard she........

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*oh hey ya'll*

hahahahhaahahahaha!!! i love family guy, and i say this to my dogs EVERY time i walk into my home. lol

anywho, this is probablly going to be a #nobodycares post, but i've got some time to kill. work with me. this is going to be about me (like every other post, go figure). only difference, it's a bit more random. i guess a "did you know" kinda thing. why not right?

i was born and raised in queens, ny. went to private schools my entire life. graduated with my bachelors in communications from Adelphi University. i love dancing. my mom is a dance teacher (as well as a school teacher). so, growing up, my mom had me in dance school. unlike a lot of these kids today, i didn't have a choice. from about two, i was up and at the dance school with her, dancin my lil tail off. fortunate for me, she wouldn't let me stop, and i loved it (thanks ma). i was given the opportunity to give back, and taught classes to the younger girls for quite some time (i miss it to no end :( my babies were/are awesome lil dancin machines!). i recently stopped when i started bartending. diggin that a lot too lol. my personal fave part is mixing new drinks. i love when i'm given that opportunity. i just love being able to be creative.

i have two dogs, Binxi and ChuChi. i complain about them for at least 3hrs out of everyday, but i love them all 24.

i have a lil brother. he's my favorite, and only blood brother. he's kinda big now, and is a junior in college.

i am blessed to have both my mom and dad, and all four of my grandparents with me. i have a bunch of AWESOME aunts and uncles, who i thank god for all the time. they may think i don't listen to em, but i do. i just can't let you guys know. duh. lol i also have a ton of cousins. all of whom i love and appreicate. i never see any of them as much as i would like to, and im closer to some than others, but, ya'll are still stuck with me so LEARN TO DEAL!

i love shoes. i love shopping for shoes. im not big on sneakers. at all. i also love clothes. like, how many girls don't? did i mention i love shoes? notice i didn't say i love fashion. i urks me when someone says this and then can't tell you who karl largefeld is or who the creative director of chanel is (hint, hint, followed by a long *blank stare*). i think i can honestly say, i enjoy fashion as much as the next stylish young lady, but definitely couldn't tell you anything of actual importance. however, if i didn't have any financial responsibilites, i'd go back to undergrad and be a fashion major. you know learn about textiles, sewing, pattern drafting, HISTORY of fashion, etc. little known fact: my senior thesis was on fashion.
shopping will forever be my battle with the dollar. im too old not to have savings, but uuuugggh shopping i love you so!! there's always something i want, and i seriously have a small (really, nothing too terrible.....?) problem with NOT getting what i want when it is fully within my means.

whatelse can i bore you guys with.....
oh, duh. i love music. all types of music. little known fact, i played the clarinet for 10 years. NYC honor band and all. i WHOLEHEARTEDLY feel that life is better with a pair of earphones in (when odee loud speakers would be unacceptable). im one of those weirdos that picks songs that would be on my "life soundtrack" lol. currently, my artists on constant repeat are miguel, bruno mars, j. cole, cee lo, kid cudi & wiz khalifa. (feel like a musical post is comming soon.....)

i actully like being alone. not like, in the creepy sense, but i think i'm GREAT company, so why not enjoy my own company? i don't find the need to have an entourage to do everything, or a boyfriend to "check in" with. i actually enjoy sitting on my couch watching a movie, by myself, or even going to the movies alone (i hate when people talk during dialogue -_- ). i'm not saying i don't like having company, but, i don't think it's always necessary. i'm single, not broken. i think i'm gona stay this way (not necessarily by choice) until i can better understand myself, as myself. no need to have someone else confuse me, i do a grand job of that on my own. i don't think i'll be single forever, and am starting to be able to deal with letting god adjust that as he sees fit, when he sees fit.

ok, i think im even getting bored of myself now lol
anything you want me to go into deeper, or anything i didn't mention, go ahead and ask. i'm sure i'll have more time to kill again soon.
=)

What are YOUR thoughts?

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hey readers :)
i won't venture to guess how many of you there are, but i have a special kinda love for all of you <3 :) <3

this post in particular is going to be short and sweet (very much like me *wink*) what are your thoughts? comments? suggestions? questions? what do you want to see? what if anything don't you want to see? have you enjoyed my posts so far? i've had many of you message me on facebook and tell me how you feel, but, here's a post specifically for you to leave any general comments.
i appreciate your feedback on fb, but i'd prefer you leave it here, on my blog. i enjoy blogging, whether or not you guys leave comments, but who wants to talk to an empty room? lol so, here's my DIRECT open invitation.

talk to me!!
=)

let's try something new..... again

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ok, so i was recently inspired by a friend (thanks shari) to get off my ass n travel! after hearing her run down of planned trips for the year, i realized, i needed to get on my ish already lol. im 25, and haven't really been anywhere. i've done Wisconsion for a busniess trip, ATL for fam, FL for Disney (twice) Norfolk, VA, Charlotte, NC, Jersey which doesn't really count as a New Yorker, lol, aaaaand that's pretty much it! oh i went to Canada once lol on n Boston n PA n DC n MD. ok so I've been a few places, but nothing really exciting. I think you get what I mean. No vacation destinations. I want to go jet skiing, snorkeling, hiking, all the touristy stuff. i have no shame in that. i don't need to look cool, like "im here every summer." i just want to do it all and have a safe, fun time in the process.

so far my only REAL hold ups are funds and friends. I've always been worried that I can't afford a nice trip and then who am i going to go with? i started with my first roadblock: funds. i decided to do a little research. there are plenty of great package deals to go all the places i want to go! i've been missing out lol. next, friends. i have a lot of associates and accquaintes, but not everyone is for everything. i love people for what they bring to my life, but that doesn't mean i can just pick up and travel with just anyone! if you really know me, you know that i pretty much suck with keeping in contact. so for the people whom i haven't known for 20 plus or 10 plus years, i don't even know how they TRUTHFULLY feel about me. friends like that (whom you've known for half your life) you can go a year or few without speaking to, and pick up with no love lost. i don't call anyone, nor am i the greatest at returning calls. its never anything personal, im just more of a loner. i like people, and i think about a lot of people, i just don't like talking all the time (which for someone who sure nuff can talk your ear off, is quite the anomaly, lol). i guess i should blog about that too.... "friends".

anywho, i decided, i'd try to go somewhere every other month, and i'd travel alone to some of my destinations, and meet up with people i know when i get there. first on my list of destinations...... New Orleans for Mardi Gras!!!!

This trip, i will be making alone. i've been invited to stay with a friend that lives down there, so i figured, why not go when it'd be the most expensive to stay? Mardi Gras it is lol. i also have another friend who should be in the area at the time, so i definitely won't be alone during my trip. my time off has been approved at work, and I'm booking my flight first week of February! SO HYPE!

next is Vegas in May!

i def can't run around Vegas alone, so I have to wrangle up an entourage. i think my biggest issue is my fear of the unknown. what I DO know, is that you never really know someone until you have to live with them, or until you're in a stressful situation with them. I think my issue is i don't want to invite someone to go, who will then make the trip anything less than enjoyable. i like to spend. but i'll spend within my means. i don't want to go with a prudish miser. im not your mom. im not paying your way. nor do i want to stay in all day/night. i also don't want to go with a loosey goosey who'll have half the guys down there with us in our room. you'd be surprised who does what, and i don't want that surprise. so, so far, i've asked two cousins and one friend. hopefully they will come. this should be an awesome trip. strip club at 8am anyone?? lol

in July..... my first cruise!!!

this (like all my other trips, lol) im VERY excited about!! i'll be taking this one with one of my best friends Alicia and her family. it's going to stop through Mexico, Belize, and Honduras. *SNAP!!!* i've always heard great things about cruises, and i ALWAYS have a great time with Alicia and her fam. my thing is, i've always been kinda afraid of the whole cruise thing because of Titanic. laugh if you want, but it actually happened, it wasn't a story based on fiction. it is truth people. jokes aside, it really does weird me out but, not enough for me to pass on what i know will be a great trip.

in september.... Miami!

I really wanted to avoid going down there when i knew all the hood was gona be there (who wants to feel like you're chillin in Brooklyn with palm trees, when u can really go to BK for free?), but the price is right, and I'm getting the Monday off for Labor day as it is. So far, I'm taking this trip alone, and meeting up with two of my friends when i get there. i haven't seen both of these chicks in sooo long, and that alone is gona make for odee amazing times. i plan to do the touristy thing during the last couple of days, or the first couple of days.... prob the last. spa, areas of intrest close by, a wee bit of shopping, swimming with dolphins, that kind of thing. but, partiying n hangin w my girls when i get there is gona be uber fun :) :)

so far, those are the trips i mentally have planned so far. the only thing i can see stopping me is funds. i HAVE TO SAVE!! that means i can't randomly pick up n blow money on random/reckless crap! i don't want to really shop again until i have to buy an outfit or two for my trip. i have plenty nuff shoes n clothes where i don't NEED anything. aside from unexpected expenses, i don't see why i can't make this happen. i just have to budget.

so this is my plea to you....

SEND ME YOUR ENCOURAGEMENT!!

every once in a while, check in and see if im on my monthly target to saving for the next trip. have i requested the days off? did i book my accomodations? all that jazz.

i plan on doing a vision board across from my bed so that every day i have a reminder of what im actually saving for. there's nothing like motivation. i know i can do this.


DO YOU HAVE ANY SUGGESTIONS? ANY SURE FIRE WAYS TO SAVE? EXPERIENCE WITH VISION BOARDS? SUGGESTIONS FOR PLACES TO STAY? WHERE TO FIND THE BEST DEALS? ANYTHING I SHOULD DEFINITELY AVOID? TALK TO ME!

LEAVE COMMENTS OR EMAIL ME AT TheVixinExperience@gmail.com

happy thoughts....

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in an attempt to brighten my mood and restore my belief that i WILL indeed find the right man for me, its time for another upbeat post!!! this one is gona be fun. im going to show you guys what i think some perfect dates are (giggles). im such a girl sometimes, and am a romantic at heart (no matter how cynical i may be at times). i like all the mushy gushy feelings stuff, but only at the right time, with the right person. i can't stress how important timing is. the wrong timing can RUIN what could potentially be a great match up. i tend to keep a lot of things to myself. i don't like sharing my feelings n stuff because i wholeheartedly believe that's the quickest route to getting your feelings hurt. i hate the part of the game where feelings come up in the discussion. really, i do. ESPECIALLY when im not even sure how i feel about the person yet! well, more on that in another post. here are my great date ideas....

.a romantic nature get away.
you would probably never guess, but i love the outdoors. i like boating (canoeing and row boating actually), LOVE swimming, i can deal with fishing as long as i don't have to touch the fish, and i can even deal with sleeping outdoors (go figure). creepy serial killer vibe to to side, a secluded cabin on the water would be ideal. just me, the boo, and the stars. i love stars. like, could just sit and stare for an hour. and im not the best at just sitting still for an hour lol. i think its the idea of being able to do everything together and really get to know eachother, without anything permanent. playing house essentially. cooking together, wine by the fireplace, picnics, skinny dipping, laying on the the grass and talking. all the fun and corny stuff you can think of. no phones. no computers. just the company of each other. and maybe Binxi n ChuChi lol

.shopping spree.
no explanation necessary. i love spending money. im even better at it when its not mine :)

.all day date.
this can be a tough one. the chemistry DEFINITELY has to be there. you can't just spend the day with just anybody. on MY day date, i'd start w/ everyone's fave ihop :0)
next, i'd do the zoo or the museum. personally, i love the museum of natural history. the dinosaurs, mummies, natural artifacts. i love it. after a few hours at the zoo or museum i'd be ready for dinner. currently im hungry for some pasta, so i'd say an Italian restaurant would be awesome. but actual real Italian food. like, homemade. freshly prepared. not olive garden.
after dinner, perhaps a comedy show and drinks. there's nothing like a good laugh. a good laugh is always better when shared with someone you care about.
after the show, truthfully i'd want to do somethin like go to the top of the roc or a walk through a park. ive never been to the top of the roc. as long as i've lived in NY (all 25 of my years), there are SO many things i've never done and seen that are right at my disposal. after a view like that, and a long day together, it's def time for bed 8;0)

.a quiet night in.
if you haven't noticed a pattern, you're kinda dense. lol i love spending time with the guy i care about. i really DON'T bleed ice! i just act like it a lot lol well, for my quiet night in, a home cooked meal is in order. i don't really like cooking, but i do it pretty well for someone who rarely does it. after dinner, i'd go with a game. i whop some ass in trouble. lol cards, video games, doesn't matter. just something that gets the convo and the laughs goin. im pretty competitive, so be prepared for more smack talkin than usual. and also be prepared to give me a great pep talk if i lose lol. after the fun and games, MOVIE TIME!! i love movies. i'd sit through just about anything. i've got a pretty decent collection, netflix, and on demand so it shouldn't be hard to find something we'd both enjoy. i think its a good night when you can end it snuggled up in the arms of someone you enjoy spending time with. <3

All I need in this life of sin....is me and my fashion

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ok, so im not always in a sad mood. i figured it was about time for an upbeat post lol

ok, i love fashion. shoes, in particular are my weakness. i spent some time compiling a look i'd LOVE to have.... (one day, when i can afford it). i think i have great style. it'd be even greater if i could afford a seamstress and actually own all the looks i think up lol. i'd prob say charlotte and carrie from sex and the city have styles as close to mine that i can think of examples of. i almost cried after seeing some of charlottes outfits in the satc2 movie. true story. anywho, here's a classic look i'd slay if i could afford it.

here's the breakdown:
Dress: Gucci
Scarf: Hermes
Handbag: Louis Vuitton
Shoes: Christian Louboutin
Blazer: not sure, but the pic was the closest to what i had in my head. the back (imh) would have a double layered ruffle in the back; like in a tuxedo cut
Braclet & Anklet: Sue Tsai
Earrings: loveknotearrings.org not sure if thats the line or what, but i love that they're so detailed

for the record, it took a hell of a lot for me to figure out how to get that pic up there. its actually a screen shot from powerpoint that i had to swindle a way into a pic. not sure how i pulled it off, but im damn proud of me. i really can be a smart girl..... lol

this was so much fun! so, more to come!

what do you think? what would you change or add?

my gift to the world....?

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you'd think after four years of college, and 15 prior years of private schooling, i'd have a clue as to what i wanted to do with my life. as stated in my first post the longest journey begins with a single step, i grew up with grandious ideas of what i'd be doing by the time i turned 25. besides living on my own and being a college graduate, i feel like, i haven't done much. currently, i have two jobs -- 9-5 as an office worker (im a backorder coordinator for a high end appliance distributor) and i bartend weekends. i think im a good, and hard worker (so do my employers). but i have NO desire to stay in the field i am currently in. at all. i couldn't give a flying crap about appliances really. so that brings me to the unanswered question of, "what DO i want to do with my life?" what will my gift to the world be?

when i think on it, dance, fashion, and helping kids are the things in my life that bring me the greatest joy. i feel i can lose myself in them and find happiness, excitement, and satisfaction. however, i know i don't know enough about dance or fashion yet to make enough to sustain myself now. and i don't have the patience yet to deal w/ kids 24/7 as career. back to running into them there walls. at least its a start.... maybe i can teach fashionable childern the joys of dance? lol

i am fully aware that i can not continue to do the same things, and expect different results (i.e. my first blog post, again lol). somethings gotta give. maybe i should take up trying new things again?

whatever it is i end up doing, its going to be a big deal. i feel like anything else would be a waste of my life.

"the most absurd and reckless aspirations have sometimes led to extraordinary success."
~ vauvenargues

"the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do."
~ steve jobs
do any of you know what your passion is? how did you figure it out? are you living your passion now? any suggestions?

why do i always fall for THAT guy

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they say opposites attract. but damn, can i just find a guy safely in the middle???



i was always your typical "good girl." went to private school, cute lil uniform skirt, did well in school, well mannered, the kind of young lady any guy could bring home to meet the fam. so of course that meant my ass liked the guys i knew better than to bring home. smh woe is me right? lol growing up, i always ended up with a "bad boy". it seemed like that was all i attracted. they liked my polished look, i liked their rough edges. i grew up and kinda got over that. i got over having a "type". met a guy that was the total opposite of what i'd been used to. though i'd finally hit jackpot. he was an asshole too -_-

now im into my "real" adult years and i find that a lot of my friends are getting married and starting families. yeah, a lot of them are having kids too, but that has nothing to do with the weight of water. i can get pregnant tomorrow. but i can't get married tomorrow. you get what i mean? i've always been quite the romantic. i won't say hopeless, but a romantic yet and still. i'm convinced there is a man perfect for me out there. he's not necessarily a perfect man, but perfect for me. HUGE difference.

i find that im most attracted to men that are out of my reach. the one guy in the room who pays me no mind, the one guy who doesn't reciprocate my affections, and even worse, the guy i know i have NOOOO business dealing with; guys just up to no good period (i just can't shake my attraction to bad boys). i also find that either im only attracting guys that are only interested in physical relationships, or immature guys whos better judgement just flies out the door once u invite them in (also y i just don't bother inviting guys over anymore). its like i can't win. you start talking to a guy. he seems cool, then he disappears, or can't keep his hands to himself after you meet up, or he is in some ridiculously unappealing situation that shadows perilously over my better judgement. i just can't.

a few weeks ago, all of this hit me hard. i began to wonder, "is it me? what am i doing that im attracting such negative 'relationship' energy?" "why me?" i think im a pretty great person, and have a lot to offer to not only a relationship, but a friendship as well. so wtf? now, pause the story. i have had some "good" men in my life. guys i could bring home. but im not attracted to them! one way or another, i find something in them that wont let me take it past friends. the guys that would make "great husbands" don't quite interest me as boyfriends (twisted, i know). and the guys that i'm interested in making boyfriends tend not to work out in the long run. im hitting walls in every direction.

i recently heard about a new blog The Single Year. this young lady is giving up men, dating, and sex all together. her plan is very well drawn out and detailed. check her blog out. awesome layout and set up. part of me thinks she's nuts. the larger part of me admires her courage i guess. im not quite sure exactly what her motivation behind it is, like what is the whole story behind the idea. i've told myself i was giving up plenty of times. that i was just gona "do me" or that i'd give what's his name another try, just because i didn't want to be alone. im all confused. i know going back to an ex isn't the answer. they're an ex for a reason, and my patience nor my tolerance level has changed since i last checked. but there's always the "when you stop looking, love will find you" approach. that never really lasts long with me. my issue is, i never really know if i can consider myself looking in the first place. i mean, the fact is, i spend the most of my time working. if im not at the 9-5, im at the bar on most of my weekend nights. i meet plenty of guys at the bar, but im not one for beginning a serious relationship with a man i meet at a strip club (i bartend there. and i ONLY bartend). i have nothing against strip clubs. personally, i think they're fun. just not where i see finding the love of my life. but oh do they try. for a flirt and smart ass like me, im never at a loss for a target. im just never impressed by any of them. *sigh*

i tell myself i need to get out. how else am i going to find "the one?" but with whom? i can't run the streets of ny alone. yeah, there are some things i can do alone, but w my schedule, im not free until late evenings, and that just screams set up when u go at it alone at that hour. i don't really have female friends, least not ones i hit the streets w, and going with a male friend pretty much defeats the purpose. i hit yet another wall. this time, the note posted on the wall reads "work on giving back to to world, and the world will give back to you" (made that up myself, thank you very much). and then the question of my next blog arises: what is my gift to the world?

new year, new me?

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happy 2011. -_-

i don't like new years and the hype surrounded by them. a few years ago, i had what was probably my worst new years and they've never been the same since. they've always been accompanied by some type of disappointment. such is life. so, every new years, im reminded of such and im in a funky mood.

yet another thing that bothers me about the whole new years season is everyones comments/promises/revelations about the prior year, and the year to come. in my opinion, EVERY DAY is a new start. every hour, every minute, every second. if something is important enough to you to wholeheartedly want to change, you'd start right away. there is NO need to wait until january 1st to start being on time, lose weight, cut off negative people, concentrate more on yourself, spend more time with your friends, etc. what's wrong with now? what was wrong with november 26th? why set the bar so high and expect that all of a sudden, what you couldn't accomplish over the entire course of the previous year, you can magically find success doing again on this day in particular?

i rang in my new year, cranberry juice wasted, mopping my floor, bed unmade, with two bags full of clothes that needed to be washed. this doesn't mean ill never have another hangover, that my floors will always be clean, and that ill always have a sloppy bed with clothes that need to be washed!

i know im not perfect. sadly, i tend to remind myself more than i'd like to. but the things about me i want to change, i know aren't things that are going to change overnight. i know for damn sure that starting january 1st doesn't add any juice to the cause. most of the examples i listed above as "resolutions" (sans losing weight) are things that i'd like to do. but of course, in true dana fashion, im in no rush lol. my personal struggles with being on time as some of you may know are an ongoing battle (people tend to think that they're bad with time until they meet me). lol im pretty good with cutting people off (as some others of you may know :/ ), but there's still room on the chopping block. on the flip, im also pretty bad at continuing positive relationships. im not great at staying in contact.... i tend to be one of those awesome people who you just all of a sudden wonder how they're doing cause you haven't heard from them in a while lol

*sigh*
all in all, we all have things we'd like to work on, but stop kidding yourself. its a journey. realize that every breath you take is another chance at a new beginning. start treating your life as such. i know i try to everyday.


I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestioned ability of a man to elevate his life by conscious endeavor.
~ Henry David Thoreau